What Is the Best Cocktail for a Lady? The Truth Behind Gendered Drink Myths

16 Nov 2025 | Cocktail Recipes | by Tamsin Blackwood

There’s a question that still pops up in bars, blogs, and brunch conversations: What is the best cocktail for a lady? It sounds harmless. Maybe even polite. But behind that question is a decades-old assumption that’s not just outdated-it’s wrong. And it’s time we stopped pretending it’s okay.

Why This Question Doesn’t Make Sense

The idea that women have a single "best" cocktail is rooted in marketing, not taste. Back in the 1950s, liquor companies sold lower-quality spirits by rebranding them as "ladies’ drinks"-sweet, fruity, and low in alcohol. The Pink Lady, the Sidecar, the Cosmopolitan-they weren’t chosen because women naturally preferred them. They were chosen because they masked bad booze with sugar and color.

Today, that logic doesn’t hold up. A 2023 survey by the United States Bartenders’ Guild found that 92.7% of professional bartenders reject gender-based drink recommendations. Why? Because taste isn’t determined by gender. It’s determined by your palate, your mood, your experience, and even your genes.

Scientists at the University of Nottingham studied how people perceive bitterness in drinks. They found that variations in the TAS2R38 gene affect whether someone finds a drink too bitter or just right. Some people-regardless of gender-love the sharp bite of a Negroni. Others prefer the soft sweetness of a Pimm’s Cup. That’s biology. That’s personal. Not gender.

The Cosmopolitan Myth

Let’s talk about the Cosmopolitan. For years, it was the poster child for "women’s cocktails." Thanks to Sex and the City, it appeared in 78 episodes between 1998 and 2004. Suddenly, every woman in America was ordering one. But here’s the twist: the Cosmopolitan wasn’t even invented for women. It was created in the 1970s by a bartender in Florida who wanted to make vodka more appealing. It became popular because it was pretty, sweet, and easy to drink-not because it was "feminine." Today, it’s still a solid drink. But so are a lot of others. A 2023 lab test by the Beverage Testing Institute found the Cosmopolitan has about 14.2 grams of sugar and 17.5% ABV. Compare that to a Manhattan: 3.8 grams of sugar, 32.7% ABV. One isn’t "better" for women. One is just different.

And here’s the kicker: in 2023, the Espresso Martini-a drink with strong coffee, vodka, and a kick of sweetness-became the most popular premium cocktail in U.S. bars. It’s ordered equally by men and women. The same goes for the Old Fashioned. Women are ordering neat bourbon. Men are sipping gin and tonics with cucumber. The lines have blurred. And that’s a good thing.

What People Actually Care About

If you ask a bartender what matters most when someone orders a drink, they won’t say "gender." They’ll say:

• Do you like it sweet or sour?
• Do you want something light or strong?
• Any spirits you love-or hate?

At Attaboy in New York, one of the world’s top bars, bartenders use a simple three-question system to guide orders. No assumptions. No stereotypes. Just preferences. And guess what? It works. Their internal surveys show a drop of 82% in customer hesitation when ordering after this system was introduced.

A 2022 study analyzing 34,782 cocktail orders across 127 bars found the strongest predictors of drink choice weren’t gender, age, or even time of day. They were:

• Temperature (people want cold drinks in summer)
• Time of night (spirit-forward drinks after 10 p.m.)
• What they’re eating (food pairing matters more than gender)

That’s it. No gender required.

What’s Really Behind the Myth

The real problem with asking "What’s the best cocktail for a lady?" isn’t that it’s inaccurate. It’s that it makes people feel judged.

A 2022 survey by Wine Enthusiast found that 63.4% of women had ordered a "safer" drink-like a vodka soda-just to avoid being looked at funny. One woman in Chicago told a bartender she wanted a Whiskey Sour. He replied, "Oh, you don’t want something that strong, do you?" She left without ordering.

That’s not hospitality. That’s exclusion.

Julie Reiner, a James Beard Award-winning bartender, put it bluntly: "The idea that women prefer sweet drinks is a marketing fabrication that has cost the industry billions in lost sales from customers who felt unwelcome ordering spirit-forward drinks." And she’s not alone. Dale DeGroff, known as "the King of Cocktails," wrote that early "ladies’ cocktails" were designed to hide the taste of poor-quality spirits. The Pink Lady? Three egg whites and two ounces of applejack. Why? Because the applejack tasted awful. So they disguised it with foam and sugar.

What You Should Order Instead

Forget "for women." Think about what you like.

If you like citrus and brightness: Try a Negroni Sbagliato. It’s bitter, sweet, fizzy, and made with prosecco instead of gin. Lighter than a classic Negroni, but still bold.

If you like something herbal and complex: Go for an Old Cuban. Created by Audrey Saunders, it’s rum, lime, mint, sugar, and bitters-like a mojito that grew up. It’s elegant, balanced, and loved by everyone who tries it.

If you like something sweet but not cloying: The Margarita still holds up. Fresh lime, good tequila, triple sec. No pre-made mix. No salt rim unless you want it. It’s simple. It’s perfect.

If you like coffee and a kick: The Espresso Martini is the new king. Vodka, espresso, coffee liqueur, and a touch of simple syrup. It’s strong, smooth, and finishes clean. It’s the drink people order after dinner, at midnight, on a Tuesday.

If you want something quiet and classic: An Old Fashioned made with bourbon or rye. One sugar cube, a few dashes of bitters, a twist of orange. No soda. No fruit. Just spirit, time, and patience.

The Future of Cocktails

The cocktail world is changing. Bars are using AI to match drinks to your taste profile. They analyze 142 flavor compounds-bitterness, sweetness, acidity, aroma-to suggest something you’ll love. Gender? Not a factor.

The USBG’s 2024 certification exam no longer includes questions about gendered drinks. Instead, it tests bartenders on flavor chemistry, sensory science, and inclusive service. The industry has moved on.

And the data backs it up. Female mixologists now make up 41.7% of certified bartenders in the U.S.-up from 28.4% in 2015. Three of the 10 most influential cocktails of the past decade were created by women. They didn’t make "ladies’ drinks." They made great drinks. Period.

Final Thought: Your Palate, Your Rules

There is no "best cocktail for a lady." There’s only the one that makes you feel good. The one that matches your mood, your meal, your moment.

If you like something sweet, order it. If you like something bitter, order it. If you want to sip a Manhattan while wearing pink, go ahead. If you want a gin fizz with your suit, do it.

The best cocktail isn’t defined by who you are. It’s defined by what you taste.

Next time someone asks you what you want to drink, don’t answer with gender. Answer with flavor. Say: "I like sour and strong." Or "I’m in the mood for something herbal." Or "Surprise me with something you love." That’s not just better drinking. That’s better living.